It has been drawn in my meticulous nature that i am a curious person. I learn things that you don`t learn. I learn four when others learn two. If i can`t then i must.

And Heck, that kills me in only two weeks upon my thesis deadline.

Dear readers, this post would be quite a depressing one, just a story to ease a brokenheart, so if you could not bare reading it, please come back another time, i will have a make up review ready for you :)

You may know that i am doing my thesis now. I am supposed to graduate last semester, but because an accident that got me handicapped, the study prolonged to this semester. Just today, i have something bad happened >.<, and it all begins with curousity.

I am stupid about SPSS ( hmm some program for research), and for trial i made my friend teach me how to do it. The data? i do a trial test to my questionnaire and at that time, i still stuck at the second chapter of the thesis.

My questionaire was said to be wrongly translated. So, i went to my English lecturer, asking for help. After it was done. I retrial my questionaires again, so that i do not forget how to do it. Seriously, i am just curious how much wording could change the reliability of a test. Done to that, when i start my third chapter, there is this part where i should put down reliability score. Well, should i left it blank? At that time, i was like i was not need to left it blank anyway. So, i put my retrial test score there. 

Before i went to Semarang, i met my first professor and he let me to take data. I WAS GOD DAMN HAPPY. Life was hectic, i got to settle store thing first, packing, DISC training, last talent show rehearsal and last debate rehearsal. I could not think anything then just go to Semarang lha. I forget to copy an update to my second professor >.< . Stupid stupid stupid.

Anyhow, yesterday when we have meeting to discuss the thesis, my friend said to me to lie. Lie that i have not take the data, though actually I did. I am a terrible liar, and in the end i naively say yes, i take the data. My second prof angry and no matter what i say, it would only look like defense. 

I am curious, clumsy and unmethodic. Stupid. 

I am in danger can not graduate this semester and pay full next semester ( i am on scholarship). Huk! I dunno how can i survive that with paying my sis tuition and paying my leg medication. 

I dunno, i am in a deep confusion right now.

So, if you are in your thesis like me.

Dont be curious, just do what your professor told you to.

Dont move if they say dont.

and write their A B C

Just......

Bare it, be puppet if you have to..

Your curiousity and passion do not matter much.

Believe me.

Your hunger to finish is not important too.

Don`t try to solve and do things your own.

Just do as you are told. 

Your fam, business, or whatever important that you have, sweep it aside.

Just do like what you are told, because they have authority and we don`t.

Make them happy

Make them smile 

Treat them as the MOST important person who held a thread of your life.

Right now, i will just, take my time, be quiet and just rearranging shattered heart

I need your hug, i need your prayer.

i will survive.

Just like usual.